Not Yet

While working at the ranch this summer, God (as He always does) added a few more "crazy God-moments" to my repertoire....Here's one:

I'm sitting down at the rec hall holding a precious baby girl in my lap, absolutely loving every minute of it!
I'm cooing at her, singing to her, bouncing her on my knee, just loving on her...

She's absolutely enamored with me, studying my every move...giggling...just loving being loved. :)

She couldn't be happier. And honestly, I couldn't either.....



Well, we're at the kid's pizza party, and my favorite time of the evening has arrived....dessert. :) hehe So, here comes one of the girls with a huge tray of warm brownies and a tub of vanilla ice cream...(Are you salivating yet??....lol....That makes two of us :-P)

Naturally, I'm the first to help myself (Don't judge me...the kids were all playing :) haha) to a corner piece and a scoop of the cold stuff...

I've still got this precious child in my lap, mind you. And I'm still loving every moment....eating it up! ... While at the same time enjoying my brownie above her head.

I'm still talking to her....cooing....singing...bouncing...but no longer is she giggling...enthralled with me. To my dismay (good word....so dramatic!), I realize that her attention has shifted from me to what I was holding in my hand. The brownie.

I can sympathize with that. I mean, I love me some brownies. :) So, for a brief moment I consider feeding it to her....And am quickly reprimanded. lol Apparently brownies and ice cream don't contain adequate nutritional sustenance for a baby's dietary needs. haha Whoops!!

So, I'm left to eating it above her head. And at this point, she begins reaching for it. Forget me. It's all about the brownie now. lol

And every time she reaches for it, I'm forced to hold it farther and farther away, out of her reach.

I heard myself say "Not Yet, Sweet Girl....Not Yet"

(As in....it's a great thing....and one day you can have it and enjoy it...but now's not the time....it's not good for you right now...you still have some growing to do....Not yet....)


And then God dropped the bomb on me. haha



I had been praying, and continue to pray, consistently for certain desires that I believe God has placed in my heart.

And earlier that week I found myself questioning His timing...His Sovereignty....ultimately His Goodness and His Love. I was tired of waaaaaaaiiiiiiiitttttiiiiinnnnngggggg. ;-P I was confused as to why He would bother "giving me the desires of my heart" without the intention of fulfilling them.

I had taken my eyes off the Creator and had placed them on His creation instead. My focus had shifted from Jesus Christ, to what He was holding in His hand.

I had ceased merely enjoying His Presence. Enjoying Him. Being enthralled, captivated and enamored by Him...Sitting in His lap....giggling.
I had stopped Gazing up into His eyes....listening as He spoke to me....Resting in His embrace as He sang over me....Just loving being loved by Him.

And the more I reached for what was in His hand, the farther He had to pull it away.

"Not Yet, Sweet Girl......Not Yet."

(As in....it's a great thing....and one day you can have it and enjoy it....but now's not the time....it's not good for you right now...you still have some growing to do...Not yet....)

...Plus an additional....and very loud and clear:

"How about right now you put your eyes back on Me??? I love this time with you. Where it's just you and I enjoying each other's presence. I'm still speaking....I'm still singing...I'm still rejoicing over you....I'm still pouring My Love out on you. Won't you just embrace this time with Me? Trust Me...I know what's best. I'm not withholding anything from you. I've given you everything you need right now, and the desires of your heart will be fulfilled....in My Time. I Love You."

"Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him and He will do it...
Rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him."

(Psalm 37:4-5,7)

Locked Up

Funny story.

One of those where you sit back and think..."Did that really just happen?! Wow..." :)

So, the girls were all housekeeping Monday morning and I ran to the housekeeping shed to get them some more toilet paper :)

As I walk up to the shed, the laundry guy is just about to leave and is climbing around in the back of his truck so he doesn't see me. :)

I open the door and head to the back of the shed towards the TP, without bothering to turn the lights on or anything since I was only PLANNING on spending 3.5 seconds in there...

Around the same time I'm filling a basket with TP, it must have occurred to the laundry man that he forgot to shut and lock the door...:)

So yeah. haha He did. And I hollered.

But apparently he didn't hear....

THEREFORE....I banged on the door with a metal dustpan, screamed, sang, whined.....you name it....for 45 MINUTES!!! hahahahaha

(And as a side note, this was the first day we decided to mow and weedeat....plus the garbage truck was here.....Not a chance in this world that I was gonna be heard for awhile.....lol)

Eventually one of the girls happened to be wandering by looking for an air pump and heard me :)

Good times. :)


Oh yeah, and yesterday I was pulling up on a stack of plastic chairs and slipped....and pretty much scraped half my chin off. haha I'm working on a different backstory though, since the real one's pretty lame. :)

Song

I'm back!!! Finally :)

I'm back at Wind River Ranch in Colorado until October...and I pretty much have ZERO free time...ever. lol So I'll attempt to update every now and then, but it's not too likely! :(

I came across a piece of paper in my Bible today that I had totally forgotten about...

It was a song that I had written this past October. It's not finished, but it was and still is the cry of my heart:

There's a passion deep within me
Always longing to be free
A joy so indescribable
From the grace I have received.
How can I contain this
How can I not speak
Of a heart forever changed
And blind eyes that now can see.

CHORUS:
Spirit cry out
Worship the King
Dwell in the hope
Of a life now redeemed.
Surrender your fears
Safely under His wing
For the glory of His Name
Abandon all and sing.

:)

That's all for now! :)

Bah Habah (Bar Harbor, that is) :)

Can I just say that I LOVE to hear Mainers talk.. :)

Well then...More updates on the trip....here we go!!

Thursday (yesterday):
After leaving here, we continued meandering through shops and driving around looking at homes, etc. until the rain let up a bit. There was a dense fog that settled in all day yesterday...and it was actually quite beautiful! Kinda how I pictured the Maine coast to be.
We drove to the lighthouse in Bass Harbor....raced up and down the stairs....explored the mossy forest around it, then headed to the main dock on Bar Harbor. Since the tide was low, we crossed the sand bridge over to Sand Bar Island and explored a little more over there...hiked .2 miles to the summit and made our contributions to the cairn. haha :) The island was GORGEOUS, and the foggy mist made everything seem almost surreal. I felt like I should be wearing rainboots, a cute trench coat, and a top hat while twirling an umbrella and doing that little jumping-heal-click thing....haha :)
Grilled cheese for din din. I made Em try it with tomatoes...mmmmmmmm!!!...but she wasn't too impressed. Shame shame.
I noticed a creepy car hanging around all day/night, and since I've seen too many scary movies and read "The Shack" not too long ago, I slept with my mace in my sleeping bag. Just in case. :) haha Good news: didn't need it. :)

Friday (today!):
SUNSHINE!!!! Wooo!!!!! It's about stinkin time!!!! This place looks TOOOOOTALLY different when a little light is shed on it! lol Too bad we had to be out of our campsite by 10. :( Packed up camp then took one last trip to the water and jumped around on the boulders. I'm a sissy, so i'm usually 10 steps behind emily while maintaining 5 points of contact at all times! haha We took some pretty cool pics until the crashing waves came a liiiiiiiiittle too close for comfort, then scurried back up to the car and headed out!

There's a shop in town called "The Man Store".......We keep joking that we should go in and ask for the price on a set of Christian twin brothers, 6'4, dark hair, dark eyes, athletic build....hahaha Priceless. ;-P

Back to the coffee shop for one final latte. Now we're onto New Hampshire, with plenty of exciting stops along the way! We plan on staying the night with Em's aunt...popping our Jiffy Pop in the fireplace, renting a movie, and just vegging out for the night......after showers. :)

Lantern Unto My Feet :)

Nonfat Latte. Warm, dry corner of a coffee shop. Good company. Bar Harbor, Maine.

:) I'm pretty lucky. :)

Don't have much time since this place closes in an hour, but just wanted to do another highlight post!

Saturday-Sunday:
Stayed with my godparents in New Hampshire....They're both super active and can out-run/walk/bike me any day of the week. So we did a TOOOON of walking. I loved being outside, taking pictures, exploring, and running from rabid dogs. haha AND my godmother is also italian, through and through.....so cooking is her passion. And I'm grateful to be a recipient of that passion. ;-P Everything is made from scratch and absolutely a sweet taste of heaven! So we ate a lot. :) And did some knitting. I'm determined to finish a scarf before this trip is over.

Monday:
My godmother loaded us up with cookies, tarts and homemade bread and we road-tripped it to Maine all day!! Stopped at Mt. Washington but the road was closed. So we just stopped to get groceries and set up camp at Blackwoods campground in Acadia NP at night. Sat around the fire for a bit and called it a night!

Tuesday:
So, my friend Emily is in school in British Columbia for outdoor stuff like this. She is a straight-up mountain woman!! I'm learning so much!! I kinda feel like city mouse around her, not gonna lie...haha
It's been rainy and cold the whole time we've been here...So I've drank(drunk?) my fill of hot chocolate. lol Just to have something warm in my hands and belly for a moment. :) Started the day of with toasted bagels, then hiked Cadillac Mountain, the highest in the park.
Fun fact---Apparently it's the first spot the sun hits in America when it rises! (We tried to test that this morning, but it was cold, rainy and 4:45 a.m.....sleep won out. lol)
Anywho, the hike was 8 miles roundtrip and so cool! It was mostly rock scrambling, with phenomenal views of the water on both sides.
Tuna melts for lunch, then headed to town in search of a warm, dry haven. Found nothing. haha So, the warm, dry haven became our trusty Toyota Highlander instead. :) Drove around the island and surrounding villages for a bit, then went back to camp and made English Muffin pizzas for dinner...Ended the night with some good Nertz competition. :) Right now I'm ahead, but not by much. :) It was so cold that I holed up inside my sleeping bag with a flashlight on my chest to read before bed. :)

Wednesday:
Cold and rainy again, so we slept in. No complaints here...better get sleep while I can! :) Egg sandwich bagels for breakfast, then we biked the 11-mile park loop. KILLER!!!! haha I hate to admit it, but I am soooooooo not in biking shape. lol There was no keeping up with Emily, so I just enjoyed the scenery, and every breath my lungs allowed. haha My right pant leg kept getting caught in the chain on my bike, so after the final 6-inch rip, I rolled up that pant leg. Felt pretty ghetto. :) Stopped by a spot on the coast called Thunder Hole where the sound of water meeting the rocks sounds freakishly like thunder. Pretty cool. :) Emily saw a bald eagle, but I was too busy huffing and puffing up the mountain to notice. haha
When we made it back to camp, it cleared up for a bit so we made some more hot chocolate and sat out on the rocks by the water and read/journaled for an hour or two till the sun was about to set. Went for a walk around the campground...I found a football, which kept me entertained for awhile. :) Guess that's the only child in me. lol
Made chicken, potatoes and onions for dinner....then popcorn....then smores. :) I could get used to this! It was still clear out, and the moon was almost full and sooooo bright, so we went back out to the water and sat on the rocks again. GORGEOUS!!! Breathtaking actually.

Today (Thursday):
So far, we slept in again because it was cold and rainy. CHOCOLATE CHIP PANCAKES for breakfast!!! AHH!! My favorite camp food! :) Delish. Then we headed here for coffee and warmth. Not sure what the rest of the day holds! :)

Each night we've been using a lantern. And the other night I was following Em to the bathroom as she was carrying the lantern. She's quite the speed walker so I had to pretty much run to keep up. But all I could think about (besides watching my step) was

"Thy Word is a Lamp unto my feet and a Light unto my path."

(Psalm 119:105)

I had to stay soooooo close to Emily if I wanted to see where I needed to take my next step. If I got too far away, I was just scrambling in the darkness trying to find my way unsuccesfully. Yet, even when I was close by her, following the guidance of her light, I still could only see one or two steps ahead. Not the entire path; just one step at a time....Great lesson for me, and exactly what I needed....

cHiLdLiKe

Someone asked me awhile back how I would describe myself in one word...

It took me awhile, but I finally came up with one. And I think it's probably more how I WANT to be described than anything else :)

c.H.i.L.d.L.i.K.e

Here's why:

1. Wonder

"Dear Lord, grant me the grace of WONDER. Surprise me, amaze me, awe me in every crevice of Your universe...Each day enrapture me with Your majesty. I do not ask to see the reason for it all; I ask only to share the WONDER of it all."
("Ragamuffin Gospel", Brennan Manning)

There's something so special about that childlike wonder. Seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, feeling everything for the very first time. It's all new, exciting, awe-inspiring. Life is an adventure with endless possibilities...

I want to WONDER like that. :)

2. Love

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them."
(Mother Theresa)

There's something so special about that childlike love. They love unconditionally, unreservedly, and without partiality. They don't judge a person by their past, race, reputation, age, social standing or religion. They see a soul. A soul that seeks to love and be loved above all else. And therefore they love it.

I want to LOVE like that. :)

3. Fearlessness

"Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to truly live."
(Dorothy Thompson)

There's something so special about that childlike fearlessness. They truly LIVE in every moment. Dancing, singing, laughing, playing with reckless abandon as if they are the only ones around. No comparisons. No reservations. No conforming to society. They march to the beat of their own drums, and they should. What's in their hearts defines who they are and what they do, rather than other people defining them. Who cares what other people think? Odds are, they probably wish they could experience that same freedom of letting go and just being.

I want FEARLESSNESS like that. :)

4. Trust

"Permit the children to come to Me; do not hinder them; for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it at all."
(Mark 10:14-15)

There's something so special about that childlike trust/faith. No speculation. Complete humility. Full trust. Unquestioning love. Utter confidence in God. A teachable spirit. Living in the moment, without the weight of worry about the future....because they trust in the character of their God.

I want to TRUST like that. :)

So...if I could be described in one word, I'd love for it to be cHiLdLiKe.

I want to be full of wonder,
Love unconditionally,
Live fearlessly,
And trust without reservations.


P.S. I've been visiting my godparents with a friend in New Hampshire for the past couple days. We're leaving in a little bit to go camping for the week in Acadia National Park in Maine!! :)

Highlights

Blogging is a little harder than I thought!! So...here are a few highlights of the last few days:

Thursday:
A.M.--Coffee & Bagels with a great friend from high school...in the end, our convo got me thinking about Occupational/Physical Therapy again....haha...I'm all over the place so we'll see! :)
P.M.--Went for a walk at the park with another friend from high school...And there just-so-happened to be football blocking pylons in the field (we have nooooo clue what they're actually called) calling our names....just asking to be hit. :) And so we hit them. haha Or at least attempted to....Looks like my career as a middle linebacker won't be taking off anytime soon.. :) Great form; no power whatsoever. lol

Friday:
Prayed really hard for something this morning and God answered it the same night. Never ceases to amaze me! It was a very bittersweet chapter-closing that left everyone with great memories, grateful hearts, and hope for the future. :) (that's only the sweet part of course lol)
And well...didn't start packing for my New England trip until 11:30 at night....finished at 2 because I'm slow and easily distracted...and got up at 3:30. BRUTAL!!!!!!
Saturday:
Knew it was gonna be an interesting day when, as my dad and I are driving to the airport at 4:15 in the morning, he puts in some sad Hank Williams song and I start tearing up. haha Uh oh!
So, I got real excited because I had an aisle seat on my connecting flight. Until I realized that it was the very last seat on the plane that won't lean back, with no air, 3 centimeters from the bathroom, with a stewardess basically sitting on my lap. Haha....The first thing the stewardess said (after she took her seat on my lap) was .....wait for it.........

"Did somebody cut one?! Oh my Gah!! Who snuck in and dropped a load already??!!!"

Bahahaha.....True story. She quickly won my heart. ;-P I was so tired that I kept doing that crazy jerky thing you do when you think you're falling. haha Over and over and over again. Not awkward at all............. lol
Oh, and I have a confession to make.... I hardly ever wash my hands. haha Don't judge me. ;-P I mean, I do whenever I'm cooking, or my hands are actually visibly DIRTY. But other than that, I'm not a huge fan of dry, cracky, CLEAN, lizard hands. However, on this day, in order to combat Mexican H1568HgN1 Swine Flu (hehe), I washed my hands not once, not twice, but 6 times!!!! And drank Orange Juice. :) Made it out with a clean bill of health and some crazy-dry skin--Mission:Accomplished I suppose!